


Surrender

by lettersinpetals



Series: Four Years [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Background Kita Shinsuke/Miya Osamu, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Pining, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, can i tag it as pining when they're already together?, or probably more accurately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25952851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lettersinpetals/pseuds/lettersinpetals
Summary: They’re on the same bed but the inches between them might as well be miles. It's one of those days where Kiyoomi is unreachable. Those days are starting to come more frequently.Is he changing his mind about me?Atsumu wonders.Would it be so pathetic if he begged Kiyoomi to love him?Probably.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: Four Years [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883632
Comments: 55
Kudos: 1268





	Surrender

**Author's Note:**

> Did I forget to say Four Years had a sequel? Sorry about that. Did you think it was gonna be sunshine and daisies for Atsumu? Sorry about that too lol. This begins a tiiiny bit before the epilogue in the previous fic. So if you’ve read that, you know that Atsumu gets his happy ending, don’t worry. This is the SakuAtsu-centric companion fic I always meant to release, but had no place in the original story.

Sakusa Kiyoomi is always careful with his things. Atsumu learns this about him in the early weeks after they start (officially) dating. He knew Kiyoomi was careful about himself first and foremost, but he’s still fascinated by the way that meticulousness and consistency affects every aspect of his life.

Kiyoomi is also careful about his boundaries. This he already figured out long ago long before they met again as members of the MSBY Black Jackals. He knew it back when they were both chosen to be part of the All-Japan Youth Camp, and heard him bitching about bathing before the others to avoid their germs on the tiles.

It shouldn’t be a surprise then, that Kiyoomi is extremely careful around Atsumu.

Don’t get him wrong, Kiyoomi is a good boyfriend. Even before they got together, he was the one who was there for Atsumu, much to his surprise. He was the one who let Atsumu close, the one who comforted him, the one who made a spot for himself in Atsumu’s life — even though Atsumu hadn’t been ready for that at the time. He was also the one who waited.

But now they’ve been dating for three months, and Atsumu feels he’s nowhere close to cracking Kiyoomi’s code.

Kiyoomi isn’t a particularly soft person. He’s the opposite: his words are sharp, his face seemingly sculpted from stone, and he is sometimes distant — physically and emotionally. But just when Atsumu starts to think maybe this is just how he is, he does things like kiss Atsumu on the forehead, stroke fingers on his hair, and lay beside Atsumu on his bed and ask him to play him a song on the kalimba.

Atsumu lives for those fleeting moments. He has always been a physical person, and he understood that Kiyoomi _isn’t_. Kiyoomi makes him happy. Really happy.

Scarily happy.

But Atsumu can’t push down the feeling that they don’t really fit. That like Kita Shinsuke before him, he’d decide he isn’t what he needs and find someone else.

After all, as a rule, Atsumu never gets to be happy for too long.

\--

Atsumu tries not to push against Kiyoomi’s boundaries too hard.

He himself never appreciated when people would prod about his past, so he learned to respect other people’s unspoken rules — even if it took him years and plenty of heartbreak. Atsumu is proud to realize he’d matured.

Besides, he knows he could be a bit much, and ordinarily he wouldn’t care, but this is Kiyoomi he’s talking about **—** he doesn’t want to scare away the first person he’d opened his heart to in over four years. It already took a lot of effort just to get himself this far.

So when Kiyoomi is being distant, Atsumu gives him space. When he’s being quiet, Atsumu stops chattering his ears off. When Kiyoomi shrugs off his touches, Atsumu stops chasing him. And when Kiyoomi stops reaching for him, Atsumu stuffs his hands in his pockets and resists the urge to cling.

If you cling to something too hard, the faster they’ll slip away.

It’s a delicate balancing act. He doesn’t know how long they could keep it up.

He decides he’ll just enjoy the high while it lasts.

\--

They’re on the same bed but the inches between them might as well be miles.

It is one of those days where Kiyoomi is unreachable. Those days are starting to come more frequently.

_Is he changing his mind about me?_

That was quick. It’s only been three months. He at least managed to keep Kita’s attention for a year.

He tries to initiate conversation, talking about the latest series the team was watching. He gets tiny noises of acknowledgement and nothing more, but he plows through relentlessly, feeling like he’s trying too hard again. But he doesn’t think he’d forgive himself if he let Kiyoomi slip through his fingers.

Would it be so pathetic if he begged Kiyoomi to love him?

Probably.

\--

That night, he can’t sleep. He stares up at the ceiling as Kiyoomi drops off to sleep beside him, then quietly climbs out of bed, picks up his kalimba, and sneaks out onto his balcony.

Feeling nostalgic, he starts playing “Moon River.”

He’s halfway to the song when he hears the sliding door open behind him. He should have known. He opts to ignore it for now and keeps playing until the last notes of the song hung in the air.

Kiyoomi has settled in across from him. Watching him. He keeps doing this — if Atsumu strayed too far, he’d follow, but if Atsumu reached out, he’d shy away. Keeping Atsumu in arm’s length, but no closer.

His mood effectively melancholic now, Atsumu asks, “Remember that night on the beach? When I played this for you on the balcony?”

“Mmm.”

“I remember thinking you were so damn gorgeous in the moonlight. You probably didn’t realize how nervous you made me, I wanted to impress you so bad.”

Kiyoomi stares at him intently.

“I wasn’t ready for you. I was so deep in my misery that I didn’t see you coming. Then you were right there and I told myself I shouldn’t fall in love with you, but well. Heart wants what it wants.”

He starts mindlessly playing Francis Lai’s “Love Story.”

He almost misses Kiyoomi’s “You love me?”

Atsumu purses his lips. “Well, yeah. Figured you knew.”

For a while there is only music. Then, “How was I supposed to know that? I’m not Kita.”

Atsumu stops. Looks at Kiyoomi in astonishment. “ _Kita?_ The hell does he have to do with this?”

Kiyoomi glares at the night sky. Atsumu knows he isn’t going to talk.

He sighs in defeat. “I don’t know what you’re thinking. I never know what you’re thinking.”

This is starting to feel hopeless. The high is fading faster than he hoped it would. Is it all ending? Something in his heart pricks. Damn it, he should have known better.

What was he thinking, offering up his heart like that as if it had never been torn to pieces before? Why was it so hard to find a safe place for it?

He continues playing the heartbreaking melody. This song always made him fucking sad. Sad song from a sad movie. Perfect for a sad night.

Then Kiyoomi says, softly, “You loved him. All these years. And probably...all the years to come.”

Atsumu stops again and stares at Kiyoomi. He’s starting to put things together and he doesn’t like what he sees.

He takes a deep breath and releases it. He looks out into the night as he speaks. “You seem to be under the impression that Kita was like my one great love, or something. If so, then you’re wrong. We were together for all of a year. He was just a boy I loved in the past. But the whole drama with Osamu...that’s what really got to me. It’s not because Kita was the love of my life, but because two people I loved hurt me in the worst way possible. That kind of betrayal cuts deep, you know?

“When I started falling for you, I remember thinking that I have to fix myself and work through my issues so I could give you the best of me. You gave me that push to let it all go. Just by being there. And I guess I never thanked you for that. And I should have. So...thank you, Omi.”

When he gazes back at Kiyoomi, the other man’s dark eyes are wide and lips parted slightly. He doesn’t talk.

Atsumu shifts. “You don’t have to say anything. I know we’re probably not on the same page when it comes to...I always fall too fast and too hard, and that’s my problem. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Almost a whisper, Kiyoomi asks, “Why would you think we’re not on the same page.”

Atsumu is starting to get wound up. “I told you, I can’t ever tell what you’re thinking. You’re hot, then you’re cold, you’re sweet, then you’re distant — sometimes I wonder if you even wanna be near me, or you didn’t want to admit you made a mistake choosing to deal with all my mess. But I can tell whenever you want space from me. I know I’m too much, alright, I get it.”

Atsumu stops himself and exhales. Shit. Where did that come from? He’s too exhausted for this conversation, it’s making him loopy. He swallows the lump in his throat.

Kiyoomi sounds lost. “I thought. I thought you still...with Kita. That I couldn’t, and wouldn’t ever compare. Since you’ve made up recently, you...”

Atsumu finally looks at him and frowns at the stricken expression on his face. That’s a new face. It’s not comforting. “What? Became happy because I finally let go of years worth of hurt and bitterness?” He massages his temple. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m really sick of hearing about Kita. There are only two people in this relationship and they’re both here right now.”

He looks down at his kalimba. “You were the first person I ever played for, you know? Kita doesn’t even _know_ I play. And I don’t know if you missed it, but Kita is engaged to my brother. I’m going to be their best man. Their best man for _the wedding_.”

Suddenly, he can’t stand to be there a moment longer. He stands and slips back inside the room, placing his kalimba on his bedside table. But just as he’s starting to climb the bed, a vice-like grip is suddenly on his arm.

“Atsumu.” Kiyoomi’s voice is low. “I think I’ve been stupid.”

He turns around slowly, terrified at what would greet him, but he need not be scared. The moment he could, Kiyoomi reaches up and presses his hands on Atsumu’s face gently, firmly, much like he did months ago during a volleyball game.

He cradles Atsumu’s face like he was precious. “I’m...sorry. I’m not...good at this yet.”

“Talking?”

“Talking. Relationships.” He swallows. “Being a good boyfriend to the person I love.”

Atsumu tries to look down, disbelieving, but Kiyoomi holds fast.

“I love you. I do. Sorry I’m bad at showing it.”

Atsumu is fucking weak because he could already start feeling himself cave. Stupid heart. Never learned. How much pain does it expect to be capable of surviving?

And then Kiyoomi is kissing him, gently, as if trying not to spook him.

Atsumu melts, his hands resting gingerly on Kiyoomi’s shoulders. _Dumbass_ , he thinks to himself.

Kiyoomi kisses him again, insistently, and Atsumu gasps. Kiyoomi sweeps against him like a wave, and Atsumu is helpless against the current.

They hit the bed with a thunk and a familiar heat starts building in Atsumu’s stomach. Desire. Want. Kiyoomi’s hands leave blazing trails across Atsumu when he slides his hands under his shirt. 

When Kiyoomi presses his body down on Atsumu, he can’t help the gasp as the heat in his stomach turns into a blazing inferno.

“Omi.” A plea, a warning. _Stop now, or take it all the way. Last chance._ They’ve barely gone beyond some touching and intense make out sessions before. Something always stopped them from crossing the line.

Kiyoomi responds by biting down on Atsumu’s neck.

Time starts slipping past their fingers as clothes hit the floor, and blankets are flung off the bed. The only sounds are gasps and moans and wet skin sliding against wet skin.

The next few minutes are damn near unbearable for Atsumu. The intensity of the heat almost suffocates him, and a part of him screamed at being vulnerable like this. He’s a little ashamed at how willing he is to give in to Kiyoomi. But when he tries to turn his head to hide his face, Kiyoomi’s hand holds him in place.

And then it’s all confusing pleasure and pain until all his mind contained was Kiyoomi.

\--

Later, as sweat cools on their skin, Atsumu rasps out, “Well, there’s no going back from that.” He feels like he was turned inside out. Exposed. His brain is telling him, _“Well, you’ve done it now.”_

Bare skin presses against his own, and then Kiyoomi is mashing his mouth against Atsumu’s as if he was trying to consume him whole. As if Atsumu hadn’t already given him everything, has been giving him everything slowly these past few months. Longer, even.

There is no finesse to the kiss, as Kiyoomi sucks in every last part of Atsumu he’d been reluctant to give.

Then Kiyoomi pulls away, looking destroyed, and says, “I don’t want to go back from that.”

Maybe he’s not the only one to give away something.

Atsumu sucks in a breath through his teeth when he tries to move, and Kiyoomi holds him down.

“Don’t move.” Kiyoomi leaves the bed and then returns with a wet cloth.

Even after what they just did, Atsumu feels shy, self-conscious. He tries to squirm away as Kiyoomi cleans him, but the latter won’t let him. “Let me,” he insists.

When Atsumu is as clean as he could be, Kiyoomi slips back into the bathroom. Atsumu hears the sound of a shower turning on.

He rolls over to his side gingerly and tries to piece himself back together, even though a part of him already knew he was never going to be the same.

He drifts off.

Before he knows it, Kiyoomi is climbing back into the bed and curling himself around him, arm slipping around his waist

“I love you,” Kiyoomi tells him. He presses kisses at the back of Atsumu’s head. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Atsumu tells him. There is no relief in saying it, or even hearing it.

And then Kiyoomi says, “I don’t want distance between us anymore. I don’t want space from you. Stop hiding from me.”

Atsumu frowns at the wall. It's always easy for Kiyoomi to demand things from him.

Kiyoomi tugs at him until he caves and turns around. Atsumu tries to hide his face against Kiyoomi’s chest but is disallowed from doing so.

A hand curls under Atsumu’s chin and tilts his face up.

And then it’s like something that has long been hungry is suddenly unchained in Kiyoomi. He starts tracing fingers across Atsumu’s face: smoothing his eyebrows, brushing a fingertip over his nose, tracing his thumb against his cheek.

Atsumu wonders if he looks as shaken as he feels. As terrified as he feels.

“I’ve got you,” Kiyoomi whispers, almost coos.

Atsumu closes his eyes and holds on.

\--

Later when he’s calmed himself to the point of drowsiness, he hears Kiyoomi say, “You know, my room is right above yours.”

“Mmm.”

“My balcony is right above yours.”

Atsumu doesn't know where he was going with this.

“When I leave my balcony door open some nights, I could hear you playing.”

Atsumu blinks then focuses his attention on him.

“I didn’t know where it came from at first. Or what instrument was making that sound. It was a hot night, so I left the balcony door open...I figured maybe it was you because it came from below me, but at the time, I didn’t know that you played.

“That night on the beach was when I knew for sure. I could hear you moving outside so I just followed.” Kiyoomi presses in closer to Atsumu and murmurs directly into his ear, “I thought you were beautiful in the moonlight too. And I’d leave my balcony door open more often, just a little bit, after. Had to turn up the heat if the night was cold. Sometimes I’d get woken by the music and I knew you couldn’t sleep again. A part of me thought about going down to you, but then I’d hear you crying.”

Atsumu squeezes his eyes shut in mortification. He remembers when he first saw his parents again with Kita and the way he cried like an idiot on his balcony. How was he supposed to know anyone was listening? The night is always so still, so silent that he can hear the occasional car pass by the road below them, but he never thought that someone might be listening to him too.

Kiyoomi whispers in a strained voice, “I told myself I wouldn’t hurt you the way they did. But I’ve been making you sad. I’m sorry, Tsumu.”

Atsumu shifts and wraps an arm around Kiyoomi’s neck, nuzzling at his cheek. “‘S not that bad,” he mumbles.

Kiyoomi tightens his hold on Atsumu. “You mean, compared to what they put you through.”

“You gotta admit that was extreme,” Atsumu points out. “If I could survive that then I can survive anything. Well...I won’t if it’s you. Omi, can we make a deal? If you get sick of me and start wanting someone else, can you break up with me first?”

Kiyoomi stares at him like he just asked him to strangle a kitten with his bare hands. “What.”

“Just — just promise. If you, if you ever do that to me, that’s it. I’m not getting up from that, I might as well die, Omi,” he insists, tightening his arm around Kiyoomi’s neck.

Kiyoomi briefly closes his eyes. “I promise I’ll — break up with you if I start liking someone else. But I also promise,” he says sternly. “That it’s not gonna happen. Stop thinking of that. It’s not gonna happen.”

Atsumu sighs and places his head against Kiyoomi’s chest.

“Kita…” Kiyoomi suddenly says. “I — I don’t _like_ him. I know you’ve forgiven him and all, and that’s great for you, but. Everytime you talk to him on the phone, or you go off to meet him and Osamu to help with the wedding planning, I just —”

Atsumu picks up his head so he can look at Kiyoomi, who is pursing his lips and looking genuinely upset. “Are you...jealous?”

Kiyoomi scowls at a wall. “No. Maybe. He doesn’t deserve your time. And — I know you loved him and I’ve just been so — I thought maybe you’d —”

“What?” Atsumu can’t help but feel amused. “Fall in love with him again? D’you really think I’m that much of an idiot?”

Kiyoomi glares at him to show him what he thought about _that_.

Something in Atsumu’s chest is loosening. _This_ was the problem all this time? He starts laughing in what was probably sheer relief. “ _Omi_. Fucking hell. You had me thinking you regretted ever getting with me and that you were about to break up with me.” He rolls to his back and rubs a hand on his face. “I let all that shit with Kita to rest, alright? We’re just busy with the wedding planning. It’s not like we’re suddenly BFFs. And it’s safe to say the trauma of what he did will forever prevent me from thinking of him _like that_ ever again.”

Atsumu chews at his lip. He mumbles, “Besides. I got someone better.”

He can feel Kiyoomi’s intense stare at the side of his face.

He thinks maybe he hadn’t been good at talking, too. He wets his lips. “Do you know what Kita told me recently, when we finally talked properly, for real? He said he knew even back then that he wasn’t what I needed. That he wasn't ever going to be able to keep up with me. But that I’ve already found someone who could.” He turns his head to meet Kiyoomi’s gaze. “And he was right. I don’t want Kita, or anyone else. I want you, Omi-Omi. D’you think you can want me, too?”

Dangerously close to begging, but at least he didn’t say please.

“I do want you,” Kiyoomi sounds pained. He pulls Atsumu close again. “I want you so damn much it drives me fucking crazy. And I don’t want anyone else to have you, damn it. I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot. And a terrible boyfriend.” The thought of being terrible at something seems to genuinely bother Kiyoomi. That is so like him.

Atsumu can’t help but smile. “We’ll work on it. If you’re willing.”

Kiyoomi nods at him seriously. “I am.”

“Then okay.”

“Okay.”

They seal the deal with a kiss.

\--

After that, things get better.

No, that’s not right. Things get _amazing_.

It’s like a long-awaited cog was inserted in the machine and it’s finally working properly after all the time spent clanging and grating and falling apart.

Kiyoomi seems to have taken the fact that he was a “terrible boyfriend” to heart — nevermind that he was the one to declare that — and seems hell-bent on changing that to “best boyfriend ever.”

The first time he greets Atsumu with a shameless kiss right on the lips in front of their teammates, Inunaki falls off the bleachers. Hinata says, “Aww.” Atsumu could only give Kiyoomi a wide-eyed stare, heart rate suddenly picking up. They hardly ever engaged in PDA, even though Atsumu wants to hold his hand almost all the time.

He doesn’t have to tamp on that urge anymore. Last time he reached out for Kiyoomi only to retract his hand and stuff it into his hoodie pocket out of habit, Kiyoomi caught the movement and something spasmed in his face. Then he dug into Atsumu’s pocket for his hand and didn’t let go.

Atsumu is happy as a clam. He didn’t ever think Kiyoomi could be sweet like this, but he won’t be questioning it.

He keeps waiting for Kiyoomi to lose his patience with him and snap that he was too needy, or too difficult, but he never does.

One weekend, Bokuto challenges Atsumu to a few rounds of beer pong, followed by some rounds of vodka shots. Suffice to say, they both get extremely drunk, and as punishment, Meian decides that the next morning, they must have a team breakfast in some diner. 

Atsumu whines and mopes and sulks the entire morning, refusing to eat anything or talk to anyone while a truly disgusting headache stabs at his brain mercilessly. He snuggles into his oversized, comfy hoodie and glares out at the window, pouting.

Bokuto is face down on the table, snoring.

Kiyoomi sighs and rolls his eyes, but he leaves to buy a sports drink Atsumu can tolerate in the nearest konbini without him asking.

When he returns with his purchases, he cracks open the sports drink and with more patience than anyone ever expected of him, begins trying to convince Atsumu to drink.

“Sakusa,” Thomas begins. “We are judging you so hard right now.”

“Yeah, man, you were supposed to be the sensible one and now look at you,” Inunaki says.

“Whipped,” Thomas coughs.

Hinata, who is filming the whole thing with his face resting on his hand, and stars in his eyes, sighs, “I think it’s so sweet. You guys are my OTP.”

With a great big pout, Atsumu finally takes a tiny sip, then proceeds to drink like that for a few moments while Kiyoomi watches him.

“This is gross, it’s so gross. Hinata, are you getting this?”

“U-huh!”

“Sakusa, if you need help, blink once.”

Kiyoomi gives Inunaki a dry glance. “I can handle him just fine.” And there is something serious in his voice that pierces Atsumu through the heart.

“You _spoil_ him.”

Kiyoomi just shrugs, and hugs an emotional Atsumu back when he nuzzles into Kiyoomi’s chest. Then he starts pressing kisses on Atsumu’s face, to annoy Inunaki, most likely.

(Hinata posts that video with the caption “Never knew I needed to see whipped @sakusakiyoomi dote on hungover @miyaatsumu but now I can die happy!” Osamu replies to the post saying, “Oh heck no, you weren’t supposed to spoil him Sakusa, let him die in his misery. For fuck’s sake.” Atsumu retweets the video and writes, “BEST BOYFRIEND EVER.” It makes Kiyoomi smile triumphantly, smugly.)

The thing is, Kiyoomi _can_ handle him just fine. Atsumu isn’t too much of anything for him, and when Atsumu is being a jerk, Kiyoomi gives as good as he’s got. And the effort he puts into the relationship is something that warmed Atsumu to the bone.

He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised. He already knew Sakusa Kiyoomi took care of his things. He knows his heart is safe with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Atsumu deserves the best bf after all that he's gone through okay. Let him have soft Sakusa!!


End file.
